My two and a half year-old daughter is currently obsessed with Disney princess movies. If I have to sit through them daily, then I reserve the right to watch them from a professional perspective. This is for anyone out there who has ever wanted a ‘fairy tale wedding’.
Let’s pretend that I was the minister who was asked to solemnize Cinderella’s wedding at the end of the movie…
“Let me get this straight, Cinderella:
- You grew up as a workaholic orphan with no self-esteem in a psychologically abusive foster home.
- You have delusions of talking to animals and make miniature clothes for the rodents infesting the attic where you sleep.
- You have audio-visual hallucinations of a ‘fairy godmother’ who magically turns fresh produce into transportation (but only for a few hours at a time).
- In order to escape your unhappy home-life, you are determined to impulsively marry this admittedly irresponsible (but wealthy) young man who you’ve met only once and whose name you don’t even know (yet you are convinced that this is what true love is).
- As for him, his primary criterion for a spouse is her shoe size and he plans to continue living with his father, who has been shown to have severe tendencies toward verbal abuse and domestic violence.”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot ethically participate in this wedding ceremony.”
I made a funny follow-up cartoon based on this post. Here’s the link: