Blessed are the losers, for they are winning.

Blessed are the guys who got caught, for they are free.

Blessed are those whose skin is black, for they are my next-door neighbors.

Blessed are those nasty women who have blood gushing out of their wherever, for they are my mothers, and sisters, and daughters.

Blessed are those who get grabbed by the pussy, for their consent will be sought.

Blessed are those who march in the streets, for they will see justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an everflowing stream.

Blessed are the lawless, for they have kept my commandments.

Blessed are the gangs, for they will be my disciples.

Blessed are the gays and lesbians, for they are truly married.

Blessed are those who are transgendered, for they know what it means to be a real man or woman.

Blessed are the uninsured, for their pre-existing conditions are covered.

Blessed are the immigrants, for they are the real Americans.

Blessed are the undocumented, for their citizenship is guaranteed.

Blessed are the refugees, for they will receive safe harbor.

Blessed are the Muslims, for they will know the love of Christ.

Blessed are you when presidents revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.