A Biblical Guide to Debunking the Heterosexual Agenda

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By Carloxito (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

SATIRE WARNING
Don’t get your knickers in a twist

If you want to get the non-satirical version,
read my follow-up post: The Real Story (Not Satire)

As a baptized, ordained, practicing, Bible-reading, Spirit-filled, Jesus-loving Christian, I just have to say how sick and tired I am of these straight-marriage activists spreading their heterosexual agenda all over my church and country!

Their sinful, detestable practices are unbiblical and unnatural in the eyes of science and God.  It may not be “politically correct” to say so these days, but I refuse to “tolerate” these perverts and their lies anymore…

Don’t take my word for it, here is what the BIBLE says:

Genesis 4

After God made Adam and Eve, they had three sons: Cain, Abel, and Seth.  No daughters.  Yet is specifically says that Cain got married to a woman.  Did you know that Cain, the first murderer, was a STRAIGHT?  Heterosexuality and murder have gone hand-in-hand since the earliest days of the human race.

What’s even worse is that Cain got married to a woman even though the Bible very clearly states that there were no human women (other than his mother) in existence at that time.  The conclusion is inescapable: Cain married an ANIMAL.  Heterosexual marriage sits at the top of a slippery slope that leads directly to bestiality.

Not only that, but the Bible tells us how Lamech, an early descendant of Cain the hetero and murderer, took two wives and was a very violent person.  Elsewhere in the Bible, there are other flagrant, unrepentant heteros like Abraham, David, and Solomon who have multiple wives.  Judah, another heterosexual pervert, impregnates a prostitute who turns out to be his own daughter-in-law!  Here again, we see the Bible clearly showing how sin begets sin and straight-marriage leads directly to POLYGAMY and FORNICATION.

Genesis 19

In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the Bible is VERY clear in its condemnation of the heterosexual lifestyle.  While the men of Sodom were at his door, Abraham’s nephew Lot (another known heterosexual) offers his virgin daughters to be raped.  After Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, Lot’s daughters, burning with heterosexual lust, get their father DRUNK and have SEX with him so that they will get pregnant.  The Bible is crystal clear on this point as well: Heterosexuality leads to drunkenness and INCEST.  That’s what these straight-marriage activists are pushing for.  DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!!!

Leviticus

The Old Testament book of Leviticus spends significantly more time condemning straight sex than it does dealing with sexual activity between people of the same gender.  Therefore, heterosexuality is obviously a far bigger problem in the eyes of God.

The most direct and clear condemnation of heterosexuality can be found in Leviticus 19:19 –

“Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.” (Lev. 19:19, KJV)

God gave us an orderly and organized universe, therefore he is offended by different kinds of things mixing together.  If God went to such lengths to condemn the mixing of different cattle, seeds, and fabrics, why wouldn’t he also condemn the mixing of genders and their bodily fluids?  Do you think God would be so foolish as to overlook something that big?  Obviously not.  The meaning of this verse is clear: God never intended for people of different genders to mix sexually.

Matthew 5:27-29

Jesus never had a bad thing to say about same-sex relationships.  He obviously didn’t consider them to be much of a problem.  But he had quite a bit to say about the sin of heterosexuality!  In his Sermon on the Mount in Matthew’s gospel, Jesus tells us that even those who secretly harbor heterosexual tendencies are in danger of burning in hell:

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

If the heterosexual orientation is so “normal”, as straight-marriage activists claim it is, then why is there no evidence that Jesus ever married a woman?  If the Son of God thought it was worth avoiding, then Christians should too.

1 Corinthians 7

The apostle Paul stated very clearly in his first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 1: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”  This is his first condemnation of heterosexuality, but he doesn’t stop there.  In verse 27, he advises young men to “seek not a wife.”  He tells us why in verses 33-34: Paul says that a married person “careth for the things that are of the world” whereas an unmarried person “careth for the things that belong to the Lord.”  Once again, the Bible is clear in stating that heterosexual marriage puts people into a spiritually compromised position.

Conclusion

Don’t get me wrong in all this: I don’t hate straight people.  I love them as Jesus commanded me to.  I live in a part of town that has a rather large heterosexual population.  There’s even a straight couple that lives down the block from me.  In fact, one of my very best friends is straight, so I can’t be heterophobic.  I’m no bigot; I’m just a Bible-believing Christian who follows what the Word of God says, and the Bible is quite clear in its message that heterosexuality is less than God’s best for human beings.

My heart breaks when I see the youth of our nation getting sucked into a heterosexual lifestyle without knowing the clear and present danger that lurks there!  The mainstream media refuses to talk about this, but I have come to believe, through prayer and the study of Genesis 3, that God has sent the plague of pregnancy among the human race as punishment for the sin of heterosexuality.  Pregnancy and childbirth was one of the leading causes of death for women throughout history.  Recent medical advances have lessened that probability, but they can’t erase the fact that heterosexuality is still a SIN.

Statistics and medical data clearly show that people are more likely to get pregnant from straight sex than they are from sexual activity shared with a partner of the same gender.  Why would the numbers be so dramatically higher for straight folks unless GOD was trying to send us a message?

The message is clear: REPENT of your heterosexual perversion and turn back to God’s plan for your life!

Go find a good church that preaches what the Bible REALLY says about heterosexuality.  You can tell them by the rainbow flags hanging outside.  You can also find them by looking for words like:

  1. Integrity (Episcopal)
  2. Dignity (Catholic)
  3. More Light (Presbyterian)
  4. Reconciling (Methodist)
  5. Open & Affirming (United Church of Christ, Disciples of Christ, or Baptist)

This is a free country, so I don’t mind sharing it with straight people, so long as they don’t flaunt it in public.  Whatever sins they commit behind closed doors is between them and God.  But I have a big problem with the way these straight-marriage advocates push their unbiblical heterosexual agenda in the media and the government.  Did you know that some of them are even trying to get LAWS passed that FORCE you to marry people of the opposite gender?!  Some of these sick hetero perverts have even set up RE-EDUCATION CAMPS that brainwash kids and adults into accepting their agenda!  Before long, these fanatics will even be doing away with the separation of church & state in order to FORCE pastors and churches to marry ONLY straight people.

This is my country too and I WANT IT BACK!

Remember to get out and VOTE!

Only you can stop this heterosexual menace from conquering America!

(Reblog) Book Review – A Time to Embrace: Same-Sex Relationships in Religion, Law, and Politics (second edition)

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Saints Sergius and Bacchus, companions and martyrs. Click the link on the picture to learn more about their lives.

 

Reblogged from the Presbyterian Outlook:

A Time to Embrace by William Stacy Johnson

Reviewed by Melissa Kirkpatrick

Johnson lays out the historical context of same-sex relationships from what we know of the practices in Rome and in Greece at the time of Paul, when such relationships were hardly consensual, to the scholarly work of the Middle Ages, where there is much evidence that profoundly close same-sex relationships (which may or may not have been sexual) went unquestioned by the church. What is clear in this history is that there was never a single way of approaching or dealing with same-sex relationships across time or place or faith.

Click here to read the full article

 

(Reblog) On gay bishops, what a difference a decade makes

By Bishop Gene Robinson

Reblogged from the Washington Post:

Twenty or 30 years ago, most Americans would have told you they didn’t know anyone gay.  By that, they would have been claiming not to know anyone who openly and proudly disclosed their sexual orientation – and certainly not in the ranks of the clergy.  Now, is there any family in America left who doesn’t know some family member, co-worker or former classmate to be gay?  And once they know someone gay, know their relationships and their families, people are simply not willing to believe all the awful things said about us – especially by religious institutions.

Every denomination, no matter how clear and unwavering their condemnation of homosexuality and homosexual relationships, is struggling with this societal and religious issue.  A substantial majority of Roman Catholic laity in America now support marriage equality – a momentous step beyond mere acceptance of homosexual people.  Mormons and evangelicals are softening their language about gay people at a minimum; some are reassessing their traditional stances and moving toward greater acceptance.

Religious institutions of all stripes are asking this big question:  Could the church have gotten it wrong in using a few verses of scripture to condemn homosexual people, just as it got it wrong about using isolated verses to justify slavery and the denigration/subjugation of women?  More and more religious people and institutions are moving toward a “yes” in response to that question.  The church has misunderstood God’s will before, but over time, we get it right.  I believe that this is one of those moments.

Click here to read the whole article

Out of Order

Hell has frozen over. Someone outside the Presbyterian Church has shone an interest in our polity. Apparently, they’ve now made movies on every other conceivable subject known to humankind. We’re down at the very bottom of the list, right after that thrilling expose on the mating habits of slugs.

Seriously though, this is a documentary, made by a non-Presbyterian, about LGBTQ people pursuing ordained ministry in our denomination. My wife tells me that one of the subjects was a seminary classmate of a friend of ours. Small world? Nah, just a small denomination.

They’re looking for financial help to complete post-production. You can learn more about supporting the film by clicking here:
http://www.outoforderdoc.com/

Republican Becomes First Openly Gay Pennsylvania Representative

Hon. Mike Fleck, PA House of Representatives
Hon. Mike Fleck, PA House of Representatives

Reblogged from Huffington Post:

“I’m still the exact same person and I’m still a Republican and, most importantly, I’m still a person of faith trying to live life as a servant of God and the public. The only difference now is that I will also be doing so as honestly as I know how.”

“The Republican party is all about the government needing to stay out of people’s lives,” Fleck said. “I’m not a one-issue person and it’s not a one-issue party.”

Well said, Rep. Mike Fleck.

Click here to read the full article.

The Call to High Adventure

Vida Dutton Scudder. Image is in the public domain.

Vida Dutton Scudder (1861-1954) was a professor at Wellesly College, a member of the Socialist party, and a prominent activist in the Episcopal Church.  She was involved in the Social Gospel movement, the campaign for labor rights, the equality of women, and (eventually) pacifism.  She helped to organize the Women’s Trade Union League, the Episcopal Church Socialist League, and joined the Society of the Companions of the Holy Cross.  Vida and her partner, Florence Converse, lived together for 35 years, from 1919 until Vida’s death in 1954.  She is celebrated in the Episcopal Church’s calendar of saints: her feast day is on October 10.

Earlier today, as I was reading Diana Butler Bass’s book A People’s History of Christianity, I came across an amazing prediction of Scudder’s that Butler Bass took from Scudder’s 1912 book Socialism and Character.  In this passage, Scudder prophesies the advent of mainline church decline, which eventually started to happen in the latter half of the 20th century.  I was amazed at how closely Scudder’s views resemble my own, except that she was writing a full century before I started thinking about it.  Listen to what Scudder has to say:

One certitude is forced on us : it is unlikely that Christianity will retain so nominally exclusive a sway as it has hitherto done in western Europe. In all probability, the day of its conventional social control is passing and will soon be forgotten. The time will come when the Christian faith will have to fight for right of way among crowding antagonists as vigorously as in the times of Athanasius and Augustine.

And in thoughts like these all genuine Christians must rejoice. Without the call to high adventure, the faith has never flourished.

 

 

 

This is me NOT weighing in on the Chick-Fil-A thing

Image by PCHS-NJROTC

Those who know me already know where I stand and why.  No need to rehash that here and now.  Nor do I wish to dignify this week’s mutual posturing exercises with any sort of direct response.

If you’re reading this and, like me, you identify yourself as a Christian and you care about your religious values being known and respected in this country, I recommend that you follow in the footsteps of your Lord and Savior and do the kinds of things that Jesus did.  The folks at your local food bank, rescue mission, soup kitchen, or homeless shelter are desperate for donations and volunteers.  As Jesus told his followers in the Sermon on the Mount, “Let your light shine before all people, that they might see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”  Help your church become known for these kinds of good works and your actions will speak volumes to the world about the sincerity of your faith and the depth of your convictions.  I guarantee that it will leave a far more lasting and fruitful testimony for Christ than standing in line for fried chicken.

If you’re reading this and, like me, you care passionately about equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people, I recommend that you get involved with the Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) at your school or the local Parents & Friends of Lesbians And Gays (PFLAG) chapter in your community.  If there aren’t any such organizations in your area, consider starting one.  By all means, vote with your dollars and don’t patronize any establishment that troubles your conscience, but don’t think that the personal opinions of CEOs will be swayed by your non-participation.  The truth is that they positively couldn’t give a rat’s posterior about your basic human dignity.  Instead, focus your efforts of political change on achievable goals with tangible results.  Donate to or volunteer for the Human Rights Campaign (HRC).  Write to your elected officials and tell them that you care about marriage equality.  Campaign and vote for candidates who support equality.  Talk to your local school board about bullying.  Educate your kids.  Love your neighbor’s gay kid, especially if that kid isn’t getting much support from home.  Knowing that you’re there and available to listen will make all the difference in the world.  You might even save a life.

I firmly believe that things will get better, but before they do, we all need to do our part to make it happen.

When you’re lovers in a dangerous time,
sometimes you’re made to feel as if your love’s a crime,
but nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.
Got to kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight.

-Bruce Cockburn

New Day, New Song, New Hope

Photo taken by Bogdan in Neptun, Romania. Sunrise over the Black Sea.

In keeping with the musical prayers I’ve been posting in connection with the voting on Amendment One, here is one that I offer on this, the morning after. I believe it captures the defiant hope that has not yet been strangled out of us. If you want to pray, then pray with me and belt this song out at the top of your lungs from the bottom of your heart!

My Prayer on the Passage of Amendment One

This is a follow-up to my earlier post.  The results are in and the senseless act of institutional hatred called “Amendment One” has passed in my home state of North Carolina.  There is much that I could say.

The tone of these two posts is consciously different from recent ones, where I have tried to cultivate a sense of commonality with evangelicals and conservatives.  I still hope to do so, especially as my church (the Presbyterian Church) moves toward its consideration of same-sex marriage at this summer’s General Assembly.  I maintain that there is much that is worthy of respect in the theological convictions of evangelicals and the political ideals of conservatives.

However, Amendment One is not representative of that which I respect and admire in them.  This is an outright attack against liberty and equality.  And, for the moment anyway, it appears to be a successful one.  My conservative and evangelical brothers and sisters in North Carolina have bowed down before the demonic gods of fear and fanaticism.  They have betrayed the very best that is in their traditions.  I weep, not for myself but for them, as their idols will one day be their undoing.

And the real tragedy is that they look upon yesterday’s events as a victory for Jesus, who they have just re-crucified in hearts and minds of those who already feel nothing but alienation and rejection from the Christian church.  I weep for you, my brothers and sisters, because you have hindered the cause of the gospel that I know you love so much.   Just as you have done unto the least of these homosexual brothers and sisters of Christ, so you have done unto him.

But now, the deed is done, the votes are cast, and sun will rise today on a world that is a little less just than the one it rose over yesterday.  But the sun will rise.  And so will we.

We love you.  And we will resist you.  We bless you.  And we will break your cursed laws.  We will not bow our heads in silent resignation.  Those who are truly free do not wait for the government to legitimate their freedom.  True believers do not depend on institutional coercion to mandate the practice of their faith.  Just ask any Christian in the People’s Republic of China, where the underground church flourishes in spite of persecution.  I do not depend on the U.S. government to define the mystery of the Trinity for me, why then would I depend on them to define the covenant of marriage?  Rosa Park was free long before she sat down in her seat on that bus.  Even so, I declare to you in the name of every gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered child of God that we too are free believers.  We will marry and be given in marriage.  We don’t need your permission.  Love speaks for itself.  As Jesus once said, “Wisdom is vindicated by all her children.”

I am fortunate enough to live 500 miles away from this most recent oppression.  I live in a state that has already decided to recognize marriage equality (a recent development in which I am proud to have played a part).  This summer, my church will decide whether or not to join that choir of angels.  I have decided within myself that I will not wait for their decision.  Whatever happens at our General Assembly, I will continue to solemnize same-sex marriages in the name of Jesus and I will refuse to call them anything other than what they are: marriages.

Worst case scenario: someone will successfully challenge the legitimacy of my ministry in a church court because of what I’ve written here.  That’s okay.  I’ve been defrocked before.  There are other churches who will have me.  I say this in writing here and now because I want to be on record as one who stood up for what he thought was right before it was considered proper to do so.  I want my children to be able to look back and know the kind of man that their father was on this day.

I was touched and surprised tonight as I prepared to put my three year old daughter to bed just after reading the news about the amendment passing.  I found her playing under the desk in the office.  When I called her out to get ready for bed, she said, “Look what I found!”  She emerged holding a rainbow pride flag in her hand.  I take that as a sign of things to come.  It gives me hope.

There is a song that I’ve played over and over again in my car as I’ve driven from errand to errand and meeting to meeting today.  It sings like a hymn and rises like a prayer.  I invite you to pray it with me now, as we begin a new day: